Never, in a million years, did I imagine myself being a “girl mom.” I always pictured myself with boys because, well, I’m not a girly girl. I didn’t have a lot of girlfriends, and I often thought of girls as “bitches”— classy, I know… Either I found myself being jealous of someone, or wanting someone to be jealous of me. Female-to-female relationships just felt so hateful to me. Yes, that’s definitely rooted in my relationship with my own mom growing up… but I’ll save the details of that for another day.
Why I Was Always One of the Guys
With this uneasy feeling around female relationships, I gravitated toward guy friends. Not boyfriends—guy friends. I know a lot of people don’t believe those relationships can be purely platonic, but they can. I had some of the best guy friends, and still do to this day. If you find the right ones, they exist. My relationships with boys (and I say boys because I’m referencing adolescence) were SO MUCH EASIER. No stress, lots of laughs, no pressure to look or act a certain way—just easier. And having a brother only 15 months younger than me meant we shared a lot of the same friends. We still do.
The point is: I was never a girl’s girl… until 2018.
Meeting Stella: My First Glimpse Into Girl Mom Life
August 1st, 2018. The day my daughter was born.
We didn’t know the gender ahead of time—everyone guessed boy, because we seemed like “boy people.” But the universe had other plans. Stella changed my world. I was just so happy to meet her and have a healthy baby. I’d always wanted to be a mom, and in that moment, the idea of gender vanished. She’d have a brother someday, I was sure of it.
So, I dove into all the girly things. Dress-up, makeup, princesses—you name it. And to my surprise, I loved every second of this girlie-girl stuff with my daughter.
A Second Pregnancy and a Surprising Reaction
When Stella was almost 3, we decided it was time to try for a sibling. It didn’t take long—I was pregnant again! Yayyy!!!
This time, my partner wanted to know the gender for logistical reasons—what would we need (or not need)? I agreed: “Sure, let’s find out!” We all tell ourselves we don’t care about gender, as long as the baby is healthy. I know I did.
So, there we were in the quiet, dimly lit ultrasound room. Everything looked great—we had a healthy baby. The sonographer asked if we wanted to know the gender. Yes, we said. No big reveal, just for us. She took a picture, typed the gender, and showed it to us.
It was a girl.
Another girl. And my heart sank. I hate admitting that, but it’s the truth. I felt like I let everyone down—myself included.
Confronting Gender Expectations and Mom Guilt
I grew up spending summers at the baseball fields, cheering for my brother and cousin. My partner loves sports, snowboarding, skateboarding. I was raised around punk boys and skate culture. I knew nothing about this pink, sparkly world I was now standing in.
The vision of the “perfect” nuclear family vanished. I knew I had a healthy baby girl, a future sister for my daughter—and yet, I felt like shit. I wasn’t supposed to be a girl mom. But I was. And there was no changing it.
Leaning on My Support System—and My Own Strength
I texted the gender pic to my sister right away. She’s 14 years older than me—we weren’t always close growing up, but she’s my rock now. She was thrilled. I felt guilty for not feeling the same.
I was officially a girl mom. GIRLS!!!
I was not prepared.
Reactions varied. Most people were happy (FYI, this is the correct response!). But some said things like:
- “Awww, that’s okay. A girl is just fine!”
- “Is that what you wanted?”
And I thought, what a fucked up thing to say. Like it was even in my control.
A Fast, Intense Birth—and a Life-Changing Moment
The months rolled on. On April 19th—four days past my due date—I went into labor. My first labor was long and traumatic. I didn’t want to repeat that.
This time, I waited until my partner basically dragged us to the hospital—and thank God he did. I was 9 cm dilated. No time for an epidural, not even Tylenol! We arrived around noon, and she was born at 2:06 p.m.
I felt every single pain, every pull—and then, she was there.
And I fucking melted.
SHE was everything I needed.
SHE was my next soul teacher.
SHE was perfect.
Conceived under the magic of a full moon (TMI? Sorry!), my beautiful daughter had arrived. We named her Luna Rae. I felt her magic, and I knew then: being a girl mom would change me forever. And it has, in the best way.
From Reluctance to Radiance: Becoming the Girl Mom I Never Expected
I’m now all in on the girlie-girl lifestyle. My girls—my tribe—are exactly what I needed and never thought I wanted.
They are the most perfect examples of enlightened living. Watching them grow together as sisters is the biggest gift of my life. They’re helping me build the kind of mother-daughter relationship I never had. They were sent to me for a reason.
I truly believe they are my soul teachers, and I wouldn’t change a single thing.
To the Mom Expecting Another Girl—You’ve Got This
If you’re a mom who just found out you’re having another girl, and the guilt hits you like a wave—thinking you didn’t “provide a boy”—just know this:
You’re in for so much joy, it will overflow your cup. You can read more about how my children inspire awe in me HERE, or just take my word for it.
You’ll forget you ever wanted a boy.
Because your girls?
They’ll be all you ever need.
From one girl mom to another—we’ve got this.
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